Traveling Solo (But Not Single)

Some people collect porcelain figurines. Others collect muscle cars. Me? I collect memories from bucket list adventures and have experienced most of them solo.

Traveling solo is something I have done for well over two decades. During the time I was briefly married, I traveled independently because my spouse had a career with responsibilities. My job offered flexibility which allowed me to travel alone and he was comfortable with it. No matter where I land in the world, I am met with the same questions, primarily from women traveling with their spouses.

“You’re traveling alone? Aren’t you lonely?” they ask with amazement and curiosity.

Being single makes it easy to travel alone. However, solo travelers in committed relationships are finding ways to cross experiences off their bucket list.

Ninety-nine percent of the time, I truthfully answer I am not lonely. Although not opposed to finding my soulmate and traveling with him, or traveling with some gal pals or sisters, there’s something magical about independent travel. Traveling solo can be frightening and lonely. But it is liberating, exhilarating, empowering, and inspires personal reflection. It also helps me live an independent and resourceful life.

Being single makes it easy to travel alone. However, solo travelers in committed relationships are finding ways to cross experiences off their bucket list.

Stephanie Grosskreutz, 60, and her husband Dennis, 69, of Sarasota, Fla., have been married 29 years and together for 39. They are opposites when it comes to travel. Dennis is a Wisconsin native and Vietnam War veteran who worked decades as a successful handyman. He now enjoys retirement and his daily routine includes tending to the garden in the greenhouse he built, detailing his 1947 Ford pickup truck, and checking off items from the honey-do-list.

Stephanie, a native New Yorker, follows her wanderlust. Growing up the daughter of a hotel general manager, the travel bug bit early. She recounts tales of growing up in hotels and making friends with hotel staff. Much of her early career was spent as a trainer in the foodservice industry and she spent up to a month at a time on the road opening restaurants. Dennis was fine staying home alone and still does.

“I don’t like to travel! Air travel is so difficult I don’t like it at all,” he exclaimed while looking at his wife, “I’ll pay, just don’t make me go with you!”

“I wish he’d take a trip with me,” said Stephanie, the executive director of a not-for-profit.

“I like being home by myself, I like my private time,” he says. Something else he does not like is shopping. Because he has medical issues that limit his diet, Stephanie cooks and freezes meals for her husband before each trip.

The couple lives somewhat separate lives which makes it easier when Stephanie is traveling. For instance, her job requires attending several evening community events. Dennis rarely joins her and prefers staying home. “We’ve not kept our money together, so I’m not asking him if I can take a trip,” she said. Without Dennis, she has jetted to destinations like France, Germany, and Italy to “travel solo and see the world.”

“We miss each other,” Dennis said when asked how he feels about her leaving him home. She leaves her itinerary on the refrigerator for his peace of mind and daily, Stephanie calls to check in. Rather than long-haul trips, the couple takes short weekend getaways. The income they make from pet sitting funds these getaways.

For seasoned and novice solo travelers, joining a group eases some of the pressures of traveling like itinerary planning, transportation logistics, and a potential language barrier.

Stephanie has planned her own itineraries and joined group tour operators who plan culturally enriching itineraries. For seasoned and novice solo travelers, joining a group eases some of the pressures of traveling like itinerary planning, transportation logistics, and a potential language barrier. It’s also an opportunity to meet and learn from others. There are several organizations and companies offering trips for solo travelers and Road Scholar, a not-for-profit educational travel organization, is a popular option.  

Depending on the city, Stephanie suggests solo travelers make the most of every minute because “you have the rest of your life to sleep.” As soon as she lands and depending on the city, she may enjoy a champagne brunch at KaDeWe Feinschmeckeretage in Berlin or find a cafe in Paris and relax with a fresh croissant and coffee. “You don’t need to stay in a five-star hotel in Paris, because who’s staying in their hotel room in Paris? Get out and see Paris.”

Whitney Sanford, 59 of Gainesville, Fla., prefers outdoor adventures over European holidays. A professor in the Religion Department at the University of Florida and accomplished writer (https://whitneysanford.com), she and her husband, Kevin Veach, 65, have been married for 10 years. The couple vacations together but Sanford enjoys participating in expedition-style events without her spouse.

“Solo travel and travel with a spouse are both great, but different. Independent adventure travel lets each of us develop skill sets that help us in our joint trips,” Sanford says. A recent trip without her husband was completing a kayak expedition of the Alaska portion of the Inside Passage, a 500-mile paddle. She and three others self-organized the six-week trip and “had a no spouse rule.”

Her adventures lead her to remote spots. When possible, she touches base with Veach with text and email. She says the GARMIN inReach®, a handheld satellite communication device, “is a lifesaver for our communication. We can text in places with no cell service, and it reassures Kevin of my safety.”

Sanford loves solo travel because she “can do trips I’ve always dreamt of and save other trips for the two of us.”

She and her husband do not have a bucket list and say they are “opportunistic.” They work “to blend sailing and paddleboarding expeditions” with him sailing and her paddling. Destinations on the radar are the British Virgin Islands, Croatia, and Greece.

Sanford loves solo travel because she “can do trips I’ve always dreamt of and save other trips for the two of us. I’ve also been able to develop a range of skills, e.g. navigation in the Everglades, that helps both of us.”

Dianne Quilty, 69 of Port Charlotte, Fla., met her partner John in 1986 while attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in Massachusetts. She was ending a co-dependent marriage, saying she could not live without knowing where her then-husband was. One of the issues the couple had was financial debt.

Soon, Quilty and John became a couple, moved to Florida, and only once did he ask her to marry him.

“I told him ‘no,’” and she explained, “I vowed never to get in that hole [financially], to have my own friends, and never be co-dependent on someone again, yet we vowed to be partners for life.” 

John was an antique picker and salvaged what some people discarded or donated as trash and flipped it for decent cash. Quilty recently retired from a job with the local government. Up until a few years ago, the couple sometimes traveled together. That stopped when John began not feeling well enough to travel. Eventually, he had major cardiac events and preferred staying home. Quilty began traveling domestically without him and flew to her destinations. 

“I wanted to travel more than he felt well enough to travel,” she explained when asked why she traveled when he was ill, “I got to do my own thing, not wait and enjoy myself, and I did.”

Quilty’s air travel stopped when John’s medical conditions worsened. While she was away on a trip, John could not remember where the dog food was kept and the dog was not fed. From that point, she took solo road trips with her dog.

The secret for their relationship was setting ground rules early, keeping finances separate and reconciling at the end of each month, respecting each other, and maintaining independence.

“We were independent, and he was okay with me being away. I did not worry, it was good to go away sometimes,” Quilty said when asked if she worried about him during her travels, and added, “I called every night and checked in and make sure he was still alive.”

Before taking a trip, they sat down to discuss it and she always assured John she was coming back. The secret for their relationship was setting ground rules early, keeping finances separate and reconciling at the end of each month, respecting each other, and maintaining independence. She attributes her older sister with teaching her how to be independent.

“My sister seems to have the independence gene but not me. I learned from my sister to be independent and not rely on anyone. She showed me tough love during my divorce,” Quilty said and explained how she asked her sister for financial support. She refused to help which taught her to land on her feet.

Last year, Quilty received a significant tax refund and decided to visit her top bucket list destination, Ireland. She discussed it with John, her sister helped her, and she booked an 18-day trip for Sept. 26. At the age of 68, John passed away on Sept. 6. Grieving over his loss, she considered postponing the trip. She realized traveling solo strengthened their relationship because each became stronger individuals while apart. She took the trip. Because of John’s recent passing, she embraced every moment in the Emerald Isle, especially staying in castles and learning falconry. Returning to a home full of antiques and absent of John’s voice, she was thankful she took the trip and is ready to begin the next chapter of her life.  

About the Writer

Jennifer Huber (Bucket age 35) is an award-winning travel and outdoor blogger and writer in Southwest Florida. Originally from Buffalo, N.Y., a hiking trail led her to a career path in the tourism industry for more than 20 years. Ten of those years were spent with a park management company in Yellowstone, Death Valley and Everglades National Parks. She currently lives in Southwest Florida and maintains the travel blog, SoloTravelGirl.com with the goal of inspiring others to travel alone, not lonely. The unexpected death of her former husband woke her up to how precious life is and was a catalyst to sharing her experiences with the hope of inspiring and empowering others to shed their fears and travel solo.